If your Ex wants to have sex with you, he may appear at your door at unexpected times. He may say that he forgot to pick something up when he moved out. He might suddenly begin to act nice and say all the things you wish he had said when you were together. He might even talk about how much he has changed and grown and how he wishes you could know him now. If you have children together, the issue of reconnecting becomes even more difficult, because as everyone knows, kids just want their parents to kiss and wake up.
But if your Ex wants sex, beware. Even though it would be easy to slip into your old routines, you would be crossing an invisible line that you would probably regret. Before you even consider getting into bed with him (or her), think about the following:
What were the reasons you broke up in the first place?
If your Ex wants sex, ask yourself what the reasons were for breaking up. Often, when people get back together, in a very short time, all of the old unresolved issues that drove them apart resurface. Unless you have both been working on yourselves in counseling to confront and change destructive behavior patterns, those habits will return.
Are you prone to make things up to be better than they actually are?
If your Ex wants sex, are you flattered, or happy or thinking you are getting back together and everything will be fine? Some people are born optimists, which can be a good thing, but when that optimism crosses the line into illusions of future happiness, you are in trouble. You are imagining the way you want your life to be rather than facing the way it actually is or was. Just because you want to get back together with your Ex and have it work out does not mean that it can. It will take work, and presumably, you have already worked on the relationship and it didn't take, so you have to hold onto your hopeful emotions and not let them run away with your good sense.
Do you feel so certain that the relationship is over, it wouldn't cause any problems to have a little intimacy?
If your Ex wants sex, are they feeling emotionally needy? In most breakups, one person usually wanted to end the relationship more than the other one. If you were the one who wanted out, it would be highly unfair of you to take advantage of your former partner's vulnerability by having sex. You will just fuel their hopes and they will continue to hold on to you or the idea of being together again.
What about the children?
If your Ex wants sex, have you thought about how this will confuse the children? If you have children, and you and your Ex have sex, the children will sense that you two have been close. Nothing will disturb their world more than getting hopeful that you two will be together again, only to discover that it isn't going to last. For them, it is like revisiting an old wound. They will start to feel numb.
What about moving on with your life?
If your Ex wants sex, have you considered how this will set you back in terms of implementing your new life? Countless people have sex with their Ex and think it does not impact their life in any negative way...as long as no one knows about it. The problem is, you know about it, and if you both have gone separate ways but still hook up sometimes, you are not really moving on with your life. You are hanging out in limbo, waiting for someone or something, not in a committed relationship, but not really free either. You may tell yourself that you don't really want a relationship, while you settle for crumbs. You may even feel like you are having an affair with your Ex, which will cause you to despair. You need to let go of the old life and design your new life to be exactly what you want.
It is in your power to ask for, expect, and have, more than just sex with your Ex. Find a coach, counselor, therapist, or minister to help guide you to a better relationship with yourself, with those who love you, and even with a person who wants to be committed to you. You can do it.
Published is under copyright by Loveawake dating site. © Copyright 2020. All rights reserved.